sous le ciel

I just realized that people have left me notes on the entries that are not friends-only, the last of which having been written back in February. I've been making most entries friends-only for well over a year and never really said anything! I really hate LJ politics and "friends-only" entries and "add me and I'll add you back" exchanges because I really just like writing things my friends can read and reading the things my friends write, but here I am writing this entry. This journal is mostly friends-only because I like knowing who might be reading my thoughts. If you'd like to be one of those people, just let me know. Chances are it'll work out fine.

--Katie

I love the rain here.

However, I hope it doesn't last long because I am going to Wales tomorrow! It will only take a few hours by train. It's crazy to think of being able to leave the country in such a short and nonchalant fashion.

And my people come from Wales! Well, some of them anyway. The parts of my paternal grandfather which were not Cherokee were Welsh.

The only good part about the self-loathing that comes from my procrastination is the great elation that occurs when I dig myself out of the tunnel. I have recently freed myself from a paper. The mediocrity is staggering, but I'm done and life is good again.

OK, time to go buy fish! Well, time to go watch Rebecca buy fish...I am not hungry.

There is no US Bank location at home, so all of my money except for $2.18 is in the account I can access easily here. A perfect scenario, except I forgot that my $9.99/month eMusic subscription comes out of my US Bank account. The charge has showed up on my available balance, but it hasn't shown in my actual balance. I just called US Bank customer service, and a chipper man who kept calling me "ma'am" informed me that I will indeed be getting an overdraft charge at about 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. The only way to avoid this charge would be to somehow convince eMusic to delay the transaction, but it's already gone through and there is no phone number listed on their website.

I am so frustrated! I try to be really responsible with money, and this is such a dumb little thing that is causing me so much stress. The charge will apparently be no more than $35 (which is weird--I feel like I have friends who've been charged more), but that's quite a chunk when you think of it in terms of books or Goodwill clothes or cheap alcohol or Christmas presents, and quite a small but needed amount when you consider the value of the British pound.

So now I have to get up early tomorrow to wire money from one bank account to the other, and even that won't prevent the charge--I'll still have to spend money simply because I spent money I do have from a location which happened not to have it any more.

The weird thing is, as upset as I am about the money, I am even more upset over the fact that I have to wait until tomorrow to get everything straightened out. Until then, I have this weird debt floating over me. I really need to try not to think about this until I can actually do something, but it's difficult to stop obsessing over how frustrated I am and how ridiculous I feel. I've done everything I can do: I called customer service, I switched my eMusic payments to the account that actually has money so this won't happen again, I told my parents what had happened and asked for their advice, and I looked into all my options and found one that happens to not take effect until tomorrow morning. And I still can't stop wondering how much the charge will be and freaking out about all this unfinished dinner.

From Jens Lekman's "Small Talk" section on his website:

"Oct 22nd - Richmond

woke up early, went to see the 40 year old virgin. it was pretty funny. then off to the Earlham College. holy shit, those kids were dancing. it was one of the funniest and sweetest shows i've ever played."

Amazing. Hell yeah we were dancing!

I keep pressing my headphones with my fingers until the song fills up all the space in my head. Today feels like Spring and it is sunny and beautiful and music is the most exciting thing in the world because I can think of a person or a memory and whatever is in my ears becomes that thought. I am thinking with my ears.

Oooh look, I've got a new webpage layout! There isn't a whole lot there, but considering nothing was there but an excerpt from T.S. Eliot since this summer, I'm happy. And the main image is a happy memory--the luminaria lighting at Earlham. Dark, mysterious figures = Marina and Quaker Dan.

(from abulia)

1. On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty-five songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing).
(i skipped anything i didn't know well enough to identify later.)
2. Write down one (or two) line(s) of the song. Try to avoid lines that include the title.
3. Have your friends comment and see if they know the songs.
4. When someone guesses correctly, strike out the line and list the correct name of the song next to it. (Guessing correctly means the name of the song and *an* artist who has recorded that song. Some of the ones on my playlist were covers of other songs, but I'm not expecting you to randomly be able to guess the right version.)

1. Fiona Apple - "Love Ridden" - guessed by streaks
I want your warm, but it will only make
Me colder when it's over

2. The Beatles - "Back in the USSR" - guessed by forboston
Take me to your daddy’s farm
Let me hear your balalaikas ringing out

3. 10,000 Maniacs - "Trouble Me" - guessed by untouchablegrac
Speak to me...don't mislead me, the calm I feel means a storm is swelling

4. Jill Scott - "The Way" - guessed by terrible
Made me some breakfast, toast, 2 scrambled eggs, grits

5. Nellie McKay - "Change the World" - guessed by terrible
oh, self discovery
what joy it is

6.
The forecast is good
The kids are melting in the doorway

7. Godspell - "Light of the World" - guessed by akisazame
But if that salt has lost its flavor, it ain't got much in its favor

8. Sleater-Kinney - "Combat Rock" - guessed by forboston
Dissent's not treason but they talk like it's the same

9.
The sidewalk bends where your house ends like the neighborhood is on its knees

10. Belle & Sebastian - "Simple Things" - guessed by yo_y_la_luna
If you want me all you have to do
Is ask a thousand questions

11.
Read the letter you got from the memory girl
But it takes more than this to make sense of the day

12. Patty Griffin - "Mil Besos" - guessed by akisazame
Yo sé que en los mil besos
que te he dado en la boca
se me fue el corazón;

13. Alanis Morissette - "Your Congratulations" - guessed by spotmonk
And I would've sung so loudly
it would have cracked myself

14. Sleater-Kinney - "Prisstina" - guessed by forboston
While the other girls fondled their dates
She fooled around with her Bunsen plate

15. Simon and Garfunkel - "El Condor Pasa" - guessed by awakeningdancer
Away, I'd rather sail away
Like a swan that's here and gone

16. Alanis Morissette - "All I Really Want" - guessed by sockfu
Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute
Enough about you, let's talk about life for awhile

17. Rocky Horror Picture Show - "Super Heroes" - guessed by untouchablegrac
But all I know is down inside I'm bleeding

18. Nellie McKay - "Ding Dong" - guessed by fiddlinfreak
My cat died and I quickly poured myself some gin
Did she die of old age or was it for my sins?

19. Dave Matthews Band - "Pay For What You Get" - guessed by lovelylight, even though she cheated a little :-)
Everybody asks me how she's doing, since she went away
I said, I couldn't tell you, I'm ok

20. Sarah McLachlan - "Hold On" - guessed by akisazame
I lie awake and pray
that you'll be strong tomorrow

21. Fiona Apple - "Paper Bag" - guessed by streaks
I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void"

22.
Hangin' out with Lars on 6th street he knew I was in trouble I was feeling much like the devil

23. Carole King - "It's Too Late" - guessed by seasons
One of us is changing
Or maybe we just stopped trying

24. The Streets - "Sharp Darts" - guessed by letterbox
Do you understand?
Or do you need an interpreter?

25. Jars of Clay - "Can't Erase It" - guessed by awakeningdancer
Follow the crowd and love everybody now

Take Judy, with her bow and arrow, she's a mastermind
Too frumpy for the teenage population of her time
Car coat, she has a quilted jacket with a hood if it rains
Big pockets for the pharmaceuticals she takes to fix her brain

--Belle & Sebastian, "The Rollercoaster Ride"

If I had a beautiful singing voice (how I wish), I think I would write a lot of songs and learn to play the guitar really well. And then I would do an experiment. I'd try to get some rich person to be my patron, like the old days, and then I'd take a year to travel all over the world as cheaply as possible, just showing up unexpectedly to play songs anywhere the fancy struck me. I'd travel the continents very methodically, and if anybody wanted to give me some publicity I'd accept the offer. However, I would never get an agent or try to book shows in special locations. I'd be curious to see if I could get any sort of following or fame just by traveling around and letting people listen to me. I wonder if some dude in Idaho would be talking on AIM to a friend in California and they would both have seen this random girl playing music out of nowhere and realize she was the same person. This experiment would be liking forcing serendipity on the whole world. And even if I stayed completely unknown and ignored, it would be really fun to have a year of travel.

Friday = love.

I'm so nervous it's like I'm waiting to find out whether or not I got elected president. It goes without saying that so much hinges on this day. I just got back from doing door-to-door canvassing in Dayton with Emma, Evelyn, and Cole, and I am totally exhausted. Talking to individual people who, by this point, have voted for Kerry, have voted for Bush, or have not voted at all was absolutely terrifying. If the Last Call weekend with VoteMob was exhilarating, today was terrifying. I don't know what I'm going to do if Kerry doesn't take Ohio. It's easy to prematurely project the feeling of empowerment that comes from working on a campaign with like-minded people onto some false idea of the spirit of this nation.

Today has been so rainy and dark and busy; everything feels like a mess.

All that is left for me to do is to take a shower, bring the snacks I've bought over to LBC for the Election Night Party (hopefully it'll end up a party), and wait.

(There's still a bit of time left to vote.)